Margery Pabst is the co-author of Enrich Your Caregiving Journey (Expert Publishing, February 2009). She is also a national speaker and facilitator. For more information about Margery and her book, go towww.pivotalcrossings.com.

Many of you commented on the first article last month introducing the concept of the "emotional bank account". Thanks for your response. I promised a series of articles with specific tips for CAREGIVERS TO CREDIT THEIR EMOTIONAL ACCOUNTS going forward in 2010.

A quick review for those who may not have read the first article: we are focusing on our emotions because 1) most, if not all, the information we read focuses on financial and physical well being and balance, 2) our emotional lives need just as much attention and help, and 3) as caregivers, we know our emotions are in constant flux, even turmoil.

As I thought about the next tip for crediting and keeping your emotional accounts in balance, I decided to focus on HOW OUR STRENGTHS NEED TO BE CONSIDERED. When I was a caregiver for my husband, I found that, while my strengths served me well at times, that some situations brought my strengths back to bite me! Here’s an example:

One of my key strengths has always been my ability to plan and make decisions. So when Mark was diagnosed with leukemia, both of us put our planning and decision making skills into action. We made charts and diagrams of his blood tests, read copious amounts of research, and developed a plan for moving forward. However, Mark’s body and his doctors’ best thoughts for treatment put our plans on hold. We had planned to vacation for a week, have dinner with friends for an evening. The uncertainty of what the next test would bring put our strengths into deep distress. Our emotional bank accounts were being debited quickly!

As time went on and Mark’s disease progressed, I began questioning what, if any, strengths I could depend upon. This questioning led to insecurity which led to feeling unimportant and unappreciated. I wondered what "good" I was and if I had the ability to care for my loved one.

Do you see yourself in this example? Your strengths may not be in the area of planning/deciding. Your strengths may be in communicating, connecting, encouraging, making great meals, keeping all the medications straight, or rallying your family but in each instance, you may experience that your skill seems useless at times.

So what can you do? To replenish my heart, my soul, and my emotional bank account, I considered the following points. I wasn’t always successful, but I did try to remember that:

• the caregiving role throws everything off, including strengths and routines we have depended upon for so long.
• we must be patient with ourselves when our strengths are not serving us.
• we must remind ourselves when our strengths are making a difference. (Think of the glass as ‘half full’.)
• our family and friends will give us help and praise. Asking them to remind us of what we are doing right will help credit the overdrawn emotional account.
• we can focus on new found strengths.

On this last point, learning to be patient with myself allowed me to develop more meditative and reflective qualities. Being busy was a high value for me before the caregiving role came into my life, so simply sitting still for a few moments was not in my previous repertoire. Putting reflection into my life allowed me to focus on the moment and enjoy the inspiring moments with Mark.

Today, I have a more balanced emotional account thanks to my caregiving experience. It has enriched me and developed new skills. Yes, I am still a hard charging individual, but I can also be happy in a quiet, reflective mode as well.

Over the next few days, consider your strengths and how they are serving you in the caregiving role. Be patient with yourself when situations don’t use your strengths, and focus on how you are learning and growing new strengths. If you think about these points, your emotional bank account will tend to be more balanced more often.

The next article on "CREDITING YOUR EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT" will focus on the language we use--what we need to stop doing and start doing.