By Susan Baida

I’ve been debating whether or not to write about my 90 year old grandfather.  He has dementia and is at the center of some long and fierce family battles.  The story is really about my family, how it was once happy and unified and now split right in half.  It’s pretty ugly and bitter.  It’s a sad part of my life that I store away but tugs at me every day.

For some, becoming a designated caregiver to a parent, who is debilitated by disease and dependent upon you for support, could bring up lots of baggage.  If you have siblings, that baggage could be multiplied.   Add to that cultural traditions and expectations.  And to top it all off, add money and the high cost of long term care to the mix and you have a sense of the massive dysfunction in my family. 

This is the paternal side of my family.  We are Ecuadorian.  My grandfather emigrated to this country in the 1950’s when the United States recruited young men from Ecuador to help fight in the Korean War.  He later brought my grandmother (who passed away 11 years ago) and his 3 children, my uncle (the oldest), my father, and my aunt (the youngest).

I’ve decided to write about my family’s situation for a couple of reasons.  First of all, I think the story could benefit many families who might learn something positive from our experience.  They might be going through the same thing.  It might also benefit families who think this never could happen to them.  After reading our story, perhaps they can prepare and possibly avoid what we’ve been through.

John, Avery and I will be travelling this week to California to visit my grandfather.  A few weeks ago, I learned that he was hospitalized because he refused to eat and was extremely weak.  He had been depressed, not wanting to live, and went on strike.   After several days, he started eating again, was discharged and is doing much better.  We made plans to visit him because I had been promising to visit for a long time.  We’re going now because we want to see my grandfather (I call him Papa) while he is still well and lucid.  We also want to introduce him to Avery, his 17 month old great granddaughter.

This is my first entry in what will become a journal about my family’s story.  I’m also doing this for me because I think it will be healing.  I have a lot of sadness that I need to shed in order to move on with life.  I’ll go into more of this in my next post.