By John Mills

One of the toughest conversations is telling a loved one they need help.  I faced this about 4 years ago with my father who was suffering from Parkinson’s.

The process of determining long term care needs for your loved one, breaking the news to them, and setting up the services they need should be deliberate and done with sensitivity.  It is important to provide them with the help they need without breaking their spirit.  Now that I have been through the process, here are some lessons I learned to help you deal with this difficult time:

1. Can the Patient Perform Activities of Daily Living (ADLs)? – Activities of Daily Living is a medical term and refers to the activities we perform for ourselves on a daily basis such as bathing, dressing, cooking, eating, walking, using the toilet and getting in and out of a chair or bed.  If you notice that your loved one has a problem performing one or more of these ADLs then he or she needs some form of long term care.   

2. Begin the Conversation Early– Chances are you will need to have multiple conversations with your loved one before they agree to receive long term care.  Begin the conversation as soon as you notice they are having problems.  Remember that they have been caring for themselves for most of their life, so the idea of receiving long term care is going to be frustrating, frightening and humiliating.  It is important to be sensitive to their needs and feelings as you discuss the situation.

3. Understand Their Wishes – Those needing long term care have desires that need to be met, the most common being their wanting to remain in their own home.  Include them in the decision-making by discussing some options:

·       Do they want to stay in their home?

·       Do they want to attend adult day care?

·       Do they want to move to an assisted living facility?

The last place they usually want to end up in is a nursing home, although it maybe unavoidable depending on the illness.  As a caregiver, meeting your loved one’s wishes will make everyone happier.  Do everything you can to accommodate them.

4. Determine the Type of Care That Is Needed – Once you have determined that your loved one needs long term care, you must make a decision about what type of care they will need.  You may be able to determine this yourself based on the number of ADLs the person can perform.  If you need professional assistance in determining care needs, a social worker is generally the best person to make the determination. Many home health agencies, assisted living facilities and other care providers will make a social worker available to perform an assessment prior to setting up services.  Check with them to determine whether the cost will be covered by insurance.

5. Setting Up Care – Once you have determined the type of care needed, you need to find someone to provide it.  eCare Diary has a search engine to help you find care providers in your area.  Click here to find them.

6. Monitoring Care – Most people who need long term care are suffering from a chronic and/or degenerative condition.  Monitoring their care and progress is important.  Chances are they will need less care at the beginning and more as the illness advances.  Staying on top of this will be a key part of your role as a caregiver.  Make sure you keep the patient informed of their condition since having their buy-in will make any changes in care easier.

The process of setting up long term care can seem daunting since there is a lot to do.  I can tell you from experience that you will be able to accomplish it all and get your loved one the care he or she needs.  Hopefully the long term care lessons learned in this article will make that task a little easier.