Connecting with a Loved One in Hospice

It is very common to be unsure about how to react when someone you care about is dying. At the end of life, most people want to know that they have made a difference to their friends and family. In my experience, dying patients and their families value any attempt to connect with them during this difficult time. Many patients have told me how much they appreciated the friends that still joked with them and related to them the way they always did, not changing their relationship due to the illness. Something that will always stay with me was what one patient told me after being diagnosed with terminal cancer and not hearing from his best friend – “I know I may reach my destination alone, but I so appreciate the people that were willing to walk with me most of the way.”

You can “walk” with you friend in many ways. Phone calls, emails, letters or cards are a great way to make the first step. If your friend is up to visitors, you may want to schedule brief visits when you can share stories of times you cherished. If she will not, or can’t communicate, her primary caregiver may welcome a visit. You can let him/her know that you are available to offer support by shopping or preparing meals, helping with household chores or even just lending an ear for listening.

Please keep in mind that you really can’t do the wrong thing. Any heartfelt attempt to connect with your friend and/or her family is sure to be embraced. 

Have a Question? Submit here.