Expert Q & A


Dealing with Critical Family Members

Jul 07, 2011 11:45AM
Question: My sister, Marguerite, lives in Colorado and my mother and I live in Texas. Mother is 79 and suffers from both debilitating arthritis and diabetes. When I advise Marguerite on what’s happening, she is always so critical and questions what I’m doing. It’s annoying since I’m doing all the work and she’s doing all the complaining. What can I do?

Caregiving Expert,  Margery Pabst
Answer:

When the patient is able to make decisions and conflict is occurring between or among family members, BE SURE THAT YOU ASK THE PATIENT what options they prefer to resolve the situation. If your mother states that she wants an action taken, you avoid getting in the middle of the issue.

Second, avoid generalities like, “She’s doing fine” and instead provide specifics to other family members. For example, when explaining the medications your mother is taking, provide information on WHAT is prescribed and WHY IT IS IMPORTANT. Giving the rationale for actions, not just what is happening can often create better family dynamics.

My thanks to eCareDiary.com for inviting me to be one of the ‘experts’ launching this new feature in support of family caregivers.

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Margery Pabst has over 30 years experience as a national speaker, facilitator, and is the co-author of four books focused on human potential and personal resilience. She is the co-author of "Enrich Your Caregiving Journey", winner of the 2010 "Caregiver Friendly Award" and the host of eCareDiary's "Caregiver and Physician Conversations" which airs the last Tuesday of each month at 2PM EDT. Margery Pabst is a thought leader for both family and professional caregivers and speaks at national con  For more information, go to http://www.pivotalcrossings.com
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