One Approach to Caregiving: Irreverent Humor
Kelly O'Brien - November 04, 2009 05:24 PM
My uncle Rob once said to me on his 40th (when I was not yet 20) that inside he felt like he was 23. That comment has always stuck with me. I’m 42 now, and I absolutely feel 23 inside. Screw the fact that I have to wear the $24 CVS magnifier glasses to see the menu.
On October 21, my dad turned 70. We were all there for his birthday. And I am convinced that he still feels 23. He can’t verify this assertion—he has Dementia with Lewy Bodies and Parkinson’s. But damn it, he is still in there. On his actual b-day we all went out to a nutty restaurant. The wait staff came out to sing happy b-day, and joked that they were told he was 22. His response: “More like 80.”
He’s a silly SOB. I was living with my parents last winter to help mom out, and one day over breakfast dad says “no wonder your boobs are so small, you eat too fast.” My parents live in North Carolina, and we are driving to church on a Saturday evening and he sees a barn that has collapsed and says “somebody slammed the door too hard in that house.”
I can’t even begin to tell all the great quips. But here is the important part: that irreverent, goofy, nonsensical humor IS my dad. It is how he was when I was 2, 16 and 30. It is how he is today. You just have to relax, engage, and listen.
I’m going to write about this approach a lot more. But for this particular post, suffice it to say that I am sick of the talk about the drugs. I am sick of the diets. I am tired of the debate about whether keeping him active versus keeping him calm is the solution.
Here is what I want and what my family needs: A sense of humor. A break. Health care that recognizes that just because you are not in need of skilled nursing, you ARE in need of skilled humor, amazing patience, the strength to lift deadweight from place to place and ability to exist on very little sleep. Can I get THAT covered?
