Caregiving is both about doing and feeling/being.  Changing from the high gear tasks that every day brings (cooking, cleaning, bathing, etc.) to the low gear of feeling and listening with your loved one can be daunting.  Going from high gear to low gear takes a quick change artist who possesses flexibility, balance, and resilience.

The successful caregiver figures out how to make this change along the journey.  Stalling out is not an option.  So what are ways to make a smooth transition as we navigate the peaks and valleys of our caregiving role?

I know I am better at the ‘listening/feeling’ part than the high gear task part, so take a moment and consider which one you like to do best and are better at doing. 

Ask yourself, “Am I better at DOING or at LISTENING/FEELING?”

Here’s a checklist for working on both areas and achieving balance during your caregiving journey.

BE INTENTIONAL.  You must have purpose and intent to do both tasking and listening to feelings.

Write down your intent.

Visualize yourself being  great at both daily tasks AND at listening to others’ feelings.

Begin slowly and pace yourself.  Don’t think you have to achieve balance the first day, week, or month!

PRACTICE YOUR INTENTIONS.

Begin by picking days that are not crowded with going to the doctor or having visitors.

Group all tasks into categories. (i.e. shopping, cleaning, preparing meals). Organization will allow more time for sitting, listening, telling stories.

Sequence tasks to save time, considering where you need to drive or what area of the house you need to be.

Identify which tasks can be done while listening to your loved one.  Be careful with this one, and be sure to include your loved one in the activity.  For example, opening the mail is a terrific way to accomplish a daily task AND have an interesting discussion about the letters received.

Create a space where focusing on one another is natural, comfortable, and quiet.  Time for BEING WITH YOUR LOVED ONE is special so carve out special places.

PRACTICE PATIENCE WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS. 

Accept that you will not always be successful in tasking and listening.

Identify why you are successful on given days.  (i.e. a crisis occurred, a doctor’s appointment took a long time, you were sick)

Identify why you are not successful on others.  (i.e. Sundays are more successful than Mondays, when dinner is early, loved one has had a good day)

Being mindful of what works and what doesn’t will ensure a successful journey.  You won’t stall from exhaustion because your energy, like your loved one’s, will be topped up with daily balance.

Read Margery Pabst’s article, “Why Expectations are Critical to Healing” here.

Margery Pabst will be presenting a webinar, “The Caregiving Journey” on Tuesday, July 28 at 2PM EDT.  Sponsored by eCareDiary, the webinar will provide practical tips for your journey with a special emphasis on family dynamics.  Margery is the co-author of “Enrich Your Caregiving Journey” which won the 2010 “Caregiver Friendly Award”.  She is the host of “Caregiver and Physician Conversations”, sponsored by eCareDiary.com.  Margery is eCareDiary’s Caregiving Expert where you can read her monthly Expert Q/A.
For more information about Margery, check www.pivotalcrossings.com.