Alzheimer’s takes so much from its victims. It also exacts a hefty toll on those around them – family, friends, neighbors, colleagues – as they grieve the loss of the person they knew, fading right before their eyes. Often, these are the people who disappear when an Alzheimer’s diagnosis emerges, citing reasons like, “I just don’t know what to say anymore” or “It’s hard to be around her when she’s just not herself.”

But don’t we all have moments like that, Alzheimer’s or not? Times when it’s hard to be around a friend going through a crisis, or times when a family member is hurting and nothing you say will ease his or her pain?

Truly, the losses of those in the social circle are minimal compared to the gravity of the losses being experienced every terrifying second by the person living with the disease. So why would we want to be the cause of any more loss for the person who has been handed this dreadful diagnosis?

Almost everyone knows someone who had/has Alzheimer’s. But unless you are diagnosed, you cannot fully understand what it’s like to be that person who is losing pieces of herself every day.

That doesn’t mean you can’t help your friend, your father, your grandfather, your wife. As their world becomes inconsistent, chaotic, blurry, mixed-up, you must remain steadfast.

Keeping things as normal as possible is the first step to staying engaged and active throughout an Alzheimer’s journey. Routine is everything. Take comfort in the familiar.

Writer Kristen Gerencher agrees. In her recent Wall Street Journal article, Don't Write Off Dementia Patients, she says, “Even when memory fails and abilities diminish, friends and relatives can find activities that engage the afflicted person.”

Think about it. Your mother may forget how much she loved gardening, but you know she did. Remind her, gently. And remember always that the memory loss is never her fault. Don’t get mad at her or scold her for forgetting about her favorite pastime. Get mad at the horrible disease causing the forgetfulness. If you are struggling with Alzheimer’s, the same rule applies: don’t blame yourself.

Sometimes creating a new ritual is necessary. If the activities that once engaged your best friend are no longer feasible or enjoyable, don’t give up on activities altogether. Find a new way to interact; find a new “normal.”

Andrea Kay’s father declined rapidly in the late stages of his Alzheimer’s. But they discovered a new ritual together, as per the WSJ article: she offered to draw him, as she had done in the past. He agreed.

“When you're drawing someone, you're looking deep into their eyes and that's what I loved about it, looking deep into his face and capturing him looking back at me,” Ms. Kay explains.

Do, do, do. Push through the losses and keep going forward. Don’t stop talking to each other just because you can’t have a “normal” conversation. Keep on living while you’re living.

And on that note – adjust, as needed. No matter how simple or complex the task (setting the table, having a conversation, balancing the checkbook, taking a walk), tailor it to the comfort level of the afflicted individual. Walk the rocky road with them.

Never talk about your loved one in front of him. This is never a good communications policy, Alzheimer’s or not. It’s degrading and insensitive; it dismisses him, excludes him, and presumes he don’t understand when in fact he probably does. Her mode of communication has been altered by Alzheimer’s – not her vision, hearing, or emotions.

If you can’t talk, write. Can’t write? Draw. Find a way to communicate; don’t shut down.

Alzheimer’s is not easy for the afflicted or the affected, but staying active and engaged is the best way to fight it.

For more on this subject, check out my recent post for the Alzheimer’s Association – “Change & Adapt, But Don’t Stop: How to Provide Meaningful Activities for those with Alzheimer’s & Related Dementias.” Also, consult our extensive Alzheimer’s Resource Guide at SeniorsforLiving.com, which provides information from the point of diagnosis through end-of-life.

To get additional information on Alzheimer’s-related issues, read blogs written by eCareDiary’s guest writers here.

Before settling down as a full-time freelance writer, Michelle Seitzer spent 10 years serving in various roles at assisted living communities in Pennsylvania and Maryland, then worked for several years as a public policy coordinator for the Alzheimer’s Association's PA Chapters. She also served as a long-distance caregiver for her beloved grandfather, who died of complications from Alzheimer's in 2009. Seitzer has blogged for SeniorsforLiving.com since November 2008, and is the co-moderator of the first #eldercarechat on Twitter, held every other Wednesday at 1pm EST. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook.