In general, I consider myself an optimist. Years ago, however, I had coffee with a colleague who gave me unsolicited feedback that I was “too negative.” I was shocked. Later when I mentally reviewed our conversation, I recalled that most of what I said that day was pessimistic. I thought I was just being honest with her, confiding in her about some situations that I didn’t feel I could share with others.
My friend’s feedback gave me pause to think that 1) we weren’t as close as I thought we were, and that 2) I need to be more thoughtful about how I view problems and how I frame them with others. That one incident taught me so much about how others perceive me and about what I could do to make some positive communication changes.
If you’ve ever been around people who are known pessimists, you realize what a draining experience this can be. For this issue, I interviewed colleagues Kim Langley, a personal growth expert and Susan Fee, national speaker, clinical counselor and author of several books on communication, bullying and self-esteem.
Here’s what they have to say about optimism.
Q: “How would you define optimism?
Langley: “The Oxford English Dictionary defines optimism as having ‘hopefulness and confidence about the future or successful outcome of something; a tendency to take a favourable or hopeful view.’ The word is originally derived from the Latin optimum, meaning best. Unlike optimal thinking which is realistic in nature, being optimistic in the typical sense of the word ultimately means one expects the best possible outcome from any given situation. This is usually referred to in psychology as dispositional optimism.
“It has also been suggested that optimism could appear to be a hereditary trait, because it is actually a manifestation of combined traits that are mostly heritable, like intelligence and temperament.”
Fee: “Measured optimism (versus blind) is based on facts, reality and real solutions. It is the ability to take stock of a situation and find the factors one controls and capitalize on those to move forward to a better future.”
Q: So how do a pessimist and optimist’s worldviews differ?
Langley: “A meta-analysis by Scheier, Carver and Bridges confirms the assumption that optimism is related to psychological well-being: “Put simply, optimists emerge from difficult circumstances with less distress than do pessimists.” Furthermore, the correlation appears to be attributable to coping style: “That is, optimists seem intent on facing problems head-on, taking active and constructive steps to solve their problems; pessimists are more likely to abandon their effort to attain their goals."
Fee: “I think an optimist’s present is defined by the future and believes that change is constant (or the norm) while focusing on controllable factors.
“The pessimist’s world view is very different. This person’s present is defined by the past. Because of his or her fixed thinking, change is seen as bad since it is not the norm. There may also be an element of learned helplessness, almost as if pessimists become “victims” by choice.”
Q: Do you know of any differences in brain chemistry that make one an optimist or pessimist? Or is it more environmental? Or a combination of nature/nurture?
Kim: “There is, of course, a parallel between pessimism and depression, and it's a dance...that is, learning to think like an optimist can help to alleviate depression. The chemistry of the brain affects thoughts, and thoughts affect chemistry. The brain is very plastic, and for example, eight weeks of meditation for 45 minutes a day actually changed the brains of people who had before and after MRI scans.”
Q: What are practical, behavioral steps one can take toward increasing optimism?
Langley: “People can begin by spending less time with the energy vampires among your friends and family, and cultivating more optimistic friends. Monitor your own self talk. Read Happier by Tal ben Shahar and Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman. Also The How of Happiness is excellent by Sonjy Lyubirmirsky.
“Use guided imagery and affirmations to help you learn positive self talk, boost the immune system and reduce your stress. I recommend the Health Journeys company because it's beautifully done AND well researched. Consult the studies on their website www.healthjourneys.com and try a free sample online. It's been life changing for me.”
Q. If one is a pessimist, can he/she become an optimist?
Fee: “Yes! Circumstances remain the same, but one is able to learn to shift perspective. The lessons, meanings and stories we tell ourselves to explain events are malleable. Therefore, the past or negative circumstances may influence, but not define one's future.”
For information about optimism and other topics, visit Kim Langley’s website at www.lifebalanceenterprises.com. Susan Fee can be reached via www.susanfee.com.
Patti Bertschler is a clinical counselor, mediator, author, trainer and co-owner of Northcoast Conflict Solution in Seven Hills, Ohio. She is co-author of TRUCE! Using Elder Mediation to Resolve Conflictamong Families, Seniors and Organizations (©2004) and Elder Mediation: A New Solution to Age-Old Problems (© 2009). Her booklet 88 Tips for Shy Introverts: Becoming Personally and Professionally Assertive was published in 2010. Patti can be reached via website, www.ncsmediation.com or by calling (216-236-6200).
