What does respite care REALLY mean? And more importantly, do caregivers know how to implement it in their lives and caregiving routines? There are a variety of rhythms that caregivers follow. Some visit an elderly neighbor every few days to check on them and bring necessities (like food). Some will stop by an elderly loved one every day. But others out there live and breathe caregiving 24/7. They are the unsung superheroes of our society, digging deep every day to not only BE there, but to be there with love.
Caregivers will often push aside exhaustion on every level to do just one more thing to make their patient more comfortable, and then head out to work every day – or turn around and take care of their children or grandchildren. With millions of baby boomers turning 65 this year, they are now the largest segment of society providing care to their parents and elderly loved ones. Yes, retirement is a long-fading myth.
So what are we to do to in order to help these everyday heroes? One support system that absolutely helps to shore up caregivers AND their patients is respite care.
Like charity, allow yourself to consider that respite care begins at home – or at least within the family system. It is quite likely that the role of care providing will fall on one person or one family. By honestly engaging the entire family, however, it IS realistic to provide caregivers with a much needed break.
If no one lives close enough to provide a once-a-week relief of at least 5-10 uninterrupted hours, consider contributing to a relief fund – one that allows the family to hire someone to stay with the patient or visit them. Keep in mind that it may be important to break through a family’s denial about the patient’s condition and their needs. Remember, a picture (or video) paints a thousand words. If you aren’t able to arrange family support (or perhaps even that of close friends) you might consider adult daycare one or two days a week. Please allow yourself this support. No one can have the role of caregiver every day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. If you do, you risk caregiver burnout – also known as compassion fatigue – a very real condition that will certainly make you LESS effective and possibly even put you in danger.
Another option for formal respite care is short-term residential programs. You can inquire of local rehabilitation centers and homes for the elderly about these short-term residencies. It may enable you to give your family a much needed vacation away, or possibly give your loved one a much needed break from everyone. Being the patient can be far too humbling to one’s psyche. Allowing them to see you get a break could be the million-dollar gift to them as well.
Finally, consider reaching out to your local area agency on aging (www.eldercare.gov) or hospice care provider. Try voluntary programs like “Friendly Visitors” – and you might reach out to your local church, synagogue or temple to ask what programs they have available, especially if your loved one was a member and has a relationship there. Often, religious organizations will provide this support for total strangers who simply live in the community though, so don’t hesitate to ask.
Most importantly, remember that this isn’t a luxury. Respite Care is a realistic, necessary tool to support you as you support your loved one.
Susan Baida, Co-Founder of eCareDiary.com
