I am often asked, “So what can make caregiving so enriching, and why did you use that word in the title of your book, “Enrich Your Caregiving Journey”?  One of the strategies that I employed, as my caregiving experience continued, was to celebrate the little victories, the moments when my efforts paid off for my husband, my family, and for myself.  In other words, I got smarter and along the way, more “enriched”.

Let me provide a metaphor to explain how to watch personal growth and identify even the smallest victories.  During the holiday season, I received an amaryllis from a friend.  My friend also gave one of these plants, a symbol of the season, to some of our other friends. Each amaryllis was in a paper bag and, as it happened by chance, I choose the shortest and stubbiest one of the lot.  Once removed from the bags, one amaryllis was just about ready to burst, a huge red bloom clearly poking out at the tip while others were in some taller and more robust stage than mine.  My immediate reaction was to compare the growth of mine to the others, but I stopped short thinking, “My little one, while shorter at this point, could eventually produce the most glorious bloom of all.” Two weeks on, my gorgeous plant has indeed sprouted and produced a tall and proud reminder of the season!

As we look at our personal growth, sometimes small and stubby like my amaryllis, it’s easy to get depressed and impatient that things aren’t going as fast or as effectively as we would like.  Before my caregiving journey, I know that I would not have stopped myself and remembered to be patient.  I would have been right in there comparing my plant to the other more delightful specimens. I am also reminded of stories like the tortoise and the hare where speed toward the destination is not always the best journey to take.  Comparing one caregiver’s growth and journey with another caregiver’s is also futile because no two situations are alike; each is growing in its own ground and pot!!  Blooms vary as does the soil and the environment for each of our lives.  We share our caregiver stories but evaluating each one as better or worse gets us nowhere.

Taking our time to pay attention and to savor our victories, one small growth at time, will make caregiving an enriching experience as we embark on the 2011.  Consider the following steps on the way to savoring small victories and tracking growth:

Practice being patient by “aligning” and moving with the situation rather than against it or ahead of it.  Each time you give in to your need to move ahead of your patient or the situation, you may be setting yourself up for feelings of anger and frustration. (i.e. Pushing medical personnel to move your loved one for a test only to find out the technician has not arrived, leaving the patient more uncomfortable.)

Pay attention to little victories.  (i.e. Noting the odds of having more good days than bad ones have increased.)

Write down the small victories each week.  (i.e. Keep notes in a place where you can review them and read them to your loved one.)

Break down complex issues and logistical procedures into manageable parts. (i.e. Creating a medicine matrix.)

Ask for feedback about your growth as a caregiver.  (i.e. Ask, “How am I improving BOTH in terms of caring for the patient and for myself?”)

Compare feedback you receive from both family and professional caregivers.  This will provide a more well-rounded view of your progress.

Some benefits from my experience using these steps include:

My father, despite my continuing efforts, did not respond when I initially encouraged him to participate in his care; however, I diligently kept up my appeals.  Given the feedback I received from family and friends not to give up, Dad finally responded one day.  Given the curmudgeon that he was, he flashed a half smile and asked, “Well, are you going to let me make some suggestions today?”

After examining and taking notes about the situations that prompted my anger while caregiving, the answer jumped off the page one day.  Every time I tried to push too hard for a resolution, my anger flared.  It was an enriching insight. 

I was overwhelmed when first confronted with the daunting list of medications after my husband’s transplant.  The administration was complicated and immense.  Together, we broke it down into manageable parts.

You may be thinking, “How to celebrate each small victory?”  My advice is celebrations don’t need to be large to be meaningful and fun. The first way to celebrate is to simply recognize and identify the small victory.  A celebration can also be as small as gazing into your loved one’s eyes and nodding your head as if to say, “Well, we didn’t let that problem get the best of us, did we?” 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Margery Pabst is the co-author of “Enrich Your Caregiving Journey”, the “2010 Caregiver Friendly Award” winner.  The book holds many tools and techniques for how caregivers can care for themselves while caring for others.  Find out more about Margery and the book at www.pivotalcrossings.com.