I connected with a friend, Terri Troiano, from 7th-8th grade through Facebook.  She sent me an email saying she was so happy to find me because she wanted to let me know that she is singing professionally now and that I had something to do with it.  I was flattered and couldn't imagine what I had done to deserve such an honor.  I thought I must have told her when we were in the 8th grade that she had such a great voice that she should sing for a living. 

We soon made a date to meet for lunch so she could tell me what she meant and to catch up on what was happening in our lives.  We met at a diner and were thrilled to see each other again!  As we waited a few minutes to be seated, Terri told me she was so happy for the opportunity to thank me in person for what I had done for her.  I told her my version of what I imagined might have happened and she told me that wasn't the case.

Approximately ten years ago, Terri called my place of work and spoke to me about a caregiving issue with her grandmother, who was living with her. I assisted her and we hung up the phone.  Then, I called her back and asked, "What did you ever do with your voice?"  Pausing, she answered, "Nothing!  Absolutely nothing!"  That was the last time we spoke.  But my words hit her hard and gave her the impetus to pursue her dream. 

Terri was concerned that I might think her quest to meet with me after so many years to thank me for giving her that push strange.  I assured her that hearing this one small gesture of mine had such a positive effect on her was a blessing for me.  Like most news, the negative stories get reported; similarly, it's rare to be sought out by anyone who wants to tell you what a wonderful thing you did.

As we conversed during the meal, I discovered that Terri has been a caregiver since her young adult life.  She took care of her mother throughout her sickness until she passed away.  After her grandfather died, she took her grandmother in to live with her and cared for her until she passed.  Never did she regret it and if she could live her life over, she'd do the same thing.  She's now a caregiver of her father.

I was pleased to find out that I went beyond whatever issue Terri had called me about years ago.  Having been a caregiver throughout my life, I was able to recognize and call her on what I heard that she did not say.  The decision to be a caregiver is a noble one.  But so, too, is the pursuit of your own personal goals and fulfillment and using your God-given talent.  Taking care of others shouldn't mean excluding oneself.     

 At the State Society on Aging of New York 38th Annual Conference, father and son team, Jack Paul Gesino, Associate Professor, Southern Connecticut State University and Coordinator, Masonicare Behavioral Health, along with Joshua Paul Gesino, MSW and Caregiver Support Liaison, F.E.G.S. Health and Human Services System Caregiver Support Services, gave a riveting workshop called "Helping Caregivers Thrive."

My favorite sections from that workshop were:  "Strategies to Foster Savoring", which is about reveling in experiences that make you feel good; and "mindfulness", which can be honed through meditation and attention to breathing - this practice calms body, mind and spirit.  Which leads me to a phrase that has helped me when I catch my mind wandering off.

BE WHERE YOUR FEET ARE!  What does that mean?  In a nutshell, it means being in the moment.  Worrying is stressful.  Additionally, if I'm thinking about what's happening somewhere else, I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing, which makes me accident prone.  It's a simple concept that I have to remind myself of continually. 

To illustrate, enjoy the simplest of tasks.  If you're washing the dishes, wash the dishes!  If you're cleaning a room, keep the focus on that.  It may sound ridiculous, but everyday activities like these can be hazardous when our minds wander. 

When I was going through a stressful event, my mind was preoccupied while vacuuming a small space.  I knocked a heavy, shadowbox print off the wall.  It crashed on my toes, causing a cut deep enough to require stitches.  Ouch!  What a painful lesson!

Which reminds me, is there really such a thing as successful multitasking?  According to a recent article entitled "Multitasking", "The myth that we can multitask has never been stronger, yet brain researchers say it's still a myth."  MIT neuroscience professor Earl Miller warns, "People can't multitask very well, and when people say they can, they're deluding themselves."  The article goes on to mention the "dangers of multitasking", one being "the feeling that you are constantly distracted and overwhelmed."

At a presentation ("I Just Can't Take It Anymore") before the Putnam/Dutchess Geriatric Committee, Nurse Practitioner Susan Perkins taught about stress and offered techniques for managing it - her tips were:  breathing exercises; journaling, which is often therapeutic and helps reframe events recorded; yoga-meditation; exercise, eat healthy, sleep; stay organized-prioritize - if you write it down, you can let it go or take care of it; say "NO", constant people-pleasing depletes energy; and socialize-laughter , the best medicine.

I had the pleasure of attending one of Yvonne Conte's speaking engagements when she was in my area.  Yvonne is a Motivational Humorist, Keynote Speaker and author.  Her mood was infectious and the stress of everyone in the room was dissipated as laughter took its' place.  She encourages acting silly as a stress buster and favors use of a red foam clown nose when stuck in traffic.

There are proven benefits and a sense of well-being derived from helping others. Caregiving is richly rewarding when combined with self care.

Footnotes and Sources

http://www.westbankcafe.com/beechman_theatre.html

Sunday, November 7, 2010, Education Outlook/The Journal News

http://www.yvonneconte.com/index.htm

Maureen Hildebrand has 10 years’ experience as a Case Manager delivering services to the adult care population in both public and private sectors. She has a Master's in Public Administration with a specialization in government. Maureen is currently working as an Elder Care Consultant based in Putnam Valley, NY and her contact information is seniorservicesspecialist@gmail.com.