When I was in my twenties and lived in New York City, one of my best friends was my great-aunt. I used to love visiting her in her beloved Queens apartment, before she could no longer live on her own.
My aunt and I shared a love of perfumes, and our visits often started with an exchange of some new bottled fragrance. Her multi-ethnic community offered markets full of the scented oils that I loved. She would often surprise me with some tiny vial with a name like “carnation” or “white musk” handwritten on the label. I worked near some perfume shops in Manhattan, and enjoyed bringing her classics like Chanel no.5, which was her favorite. We both loved Chanel no. 5.
My aunt, like other urban seniors, loved the freedom she had in the city. She didn’t drive, but city buses and sidewalks gave her access to people and places. She was spunky and fun and you couldn’t blame her for wanting to stay in Queens, where she didn’t need a car or to burden a family member by asking for a ride.
The problem was that she needed someone to help her with cooking, tidying the apartment, and going to the store for her when she wasn’t feeling well.
My aunt finally allowed in various hired helpers. My aunt wasn’t satisfied with their cooking or cleaning -- she had always done these things herself -- but at least someone was there in case she needed emergency medical attention, or help getting around.
There were no trusted neighbors to rely on. Her neighbors in the building had changed through the years, and they seemed more intent on taking advantage of this old woman than in helping her. There was one man who came by occasionally to ask my aunt to give him her television set. Another young man took my aunt shopping and convinced her to purchase items for him.
In the months that followed, my aunt lost many of her possessions. She kept some cash and prescription drugs on the dresser next to her bed, where she could easily reach them. These were easy to grab when no one was looking, and they disappeared along with the various helpers or neighbors who came by to visit.
I’ll never find out exactly who took away her new bottle of Chanel no. 5, which was one of my gifts to her. I had splurged on it and continually bugged her to take it out of the box and enjoy it. I guess she thought it was too special. However special it was, it was there on the dresser and easy to steal.
At last, my aunt’s health deteriorated to the point where she had no choice but to accept her family’s loving care in the suburbs. I felt badly for her, knowing that she must have viewed that move as the end of her cherished mobility. At the same time, it was such a relief to know that she was finally safe and in good hands.
Looking back, it seems naive to have been so shocked by the robberies. The neighbors and people helping her were strangers, and leaving valuable things out where they could tempt someone probably wasn’t such a great idea.
But what if someone you love is robbed by a person who isn’t a stranger? Imagine if it were someone you trusted to care for your elderly relative?
Consider the case of an 83-year-old Fairfield, Connecticut woman who was robbed on her literal deathbed last Friday by her home health aide. According to the Fairfield Citizen, the aide, 37, was given a final chance to say goodbye to the woman she had cared for. That was when she is reported to have taken the dying woman’s gold necklace and pendant.
The aide readily admitted the theft when contacted by police, turned herself in, and returned the necklace and pendant, along with a pair of earrings she had taken. She was charged with 5th degree larceny the day after the incident.
This aide had been hired by her agency on the written recommendation of the family from whom she stole. They had hired her privately before she was retained by the agency, so she must have worked with them for some time.
Elders who age in place are at risk of being abused, and theft is just one of the crimes to which they are vulnerable. Police departments and elder care advocates have suggested some strategies to reduce the risk.
The Seattle Police Department’s helpful website suggests obtaining a power of attorney for your elderly relative, and also becoming familiar with his or her finances. Theft can occur gradually and subtly by someone who earns your relative’s trust.
Talk to your relative about securing valuables and cherished possessions. These can be kept in a safe deposit box, a safe, or at another relative’s house during the time your relative is being cared for at home.
Consider hiring a home health aide from a licensed agency. Aides from an agency may cost more, but some insurance plans and government assistance programs will reimburse these costs. A licensed agency should check for any criminal records and contact job references. (As in the case mentioned above, this is not a guarantee against theft or other problems, but it is a help.)An agency may also be able to offer a substitute aide if the regular aide is ill or unable to work.
Be wary of helpful neighbors or acquaintances who seem interested in your relative’s finances or the costs of her care. Some people prey on elders who are grateful for companionship or help (or whose families are grateful for the help).
Wearing jewelry can be a self esteem booster for an elderly lady who considers it part of being dressed. Bring her some pretty new costume pieces. This may make it easier to convince her to let you secure precious jewelry elsewhere.
Consider managing your relative’s finances. He may be happy to let go of paying bills and balancing the checkbook. Smaller amounts of cash, or a credit card with a low limit can give your relative some freedom to spend without risking all he owns. These should be secured out of sight, which may be difficult for an elder with cognitive impairments. But just knowing that other family members are carefully watching finances can deter a potential thief.
Especially if you are trying to keep tabs on a long-distance relative, strategies like these should bring your loved one some added security and bring you greater peace of mind.
About Kim
Kim Harke is a health care technical writer specializing in compliance. She holds a Master’s in history from New York University.
