According to the National Center on Elder Abuse approximately 1 to 2 million Americans age 65 or older have been subjected to mistreatment, neglect, injury, and exploitation. Essentially, elder abuse happens quite frequently in non-institutional settings that are familiar environments such as the elder’s own home or a family member’s home. Sadly enough, a great deal of elder abuse is inflicted by a significant person in the elder’s life, the caregiver.
It is difficult to pinpoint the frequency of the abuse since many cases go unreported. Many elders are reluctant to let others know that they are being abused because they feel shame and perhaps even embarrassment that their caregiver is treating them poorly. Furthermore, typically older adults tend to remain private about such family matters. They grew up with the notion that one shouldn’t “hang your laundry out to dry”.
Elder abuse is not just about physical injury. Elder abuse is about neglecting the elderly; financially exploiting the elderly; emotionally abusing the elderly; and sexually abusing the elderly.
Abusers are often credited with providing good care because they are able to skillfully cover up the abuse, often convincing outsiders that they provide the best care for their family member. But looks can be deceiving.
Recently, I had my own personal experience with the distressing consequences of elder abuse. I thought that a woman who attends a class I teach at the community senior center was being abused or at least mistreated. I noticed that Gerri was starting to look haggard and tired and was reluctant to contribute to the discussion. This was not typical behavior on her part. I suspected something was gravely wrong, and I approached Gerri with my concerns.
Gerri eventually admitted that things at home were not good and that she had decided to move out of the house she had bought for her son and his family. The son’s family included not only his wife and two children, but his mother in-law, father in-law, dog, and cat. Gerri had poured all of her life savings into the home because she was told she could live out the rest of her life there. Moreover, her daughter in-law convinced her to pay off her $16,000 credit card debt, promising a lifetime of security in a loving environment.
As time went on, things began to deteriorate for Gerri. Her son and his wife were pressuring her to sign over to them the deed to the house. Fortunately, Gerri knew better. She consulted an attorney for help, but kept from her family and friends the abuse. It was amazing how independent this dependent woman became.
Finally, I knew it was time to call Protective Services at our local Area Senior Access Agency, Elder Services. I knew this because I happened to be on the phone with Gerri when her daughter in-law barged into the room demanding that Gerri sign over the deed. Emotional abuse such as this can in many respects be more damaging than physical harm. Words can hurt and hurtful words can resonate within for a long time.
The report was made to Protective Services and that same day Gerri met with the social worker at my home. Imagine what Gerri was feeling. Her own son was allowing his wife to abuse her emotionally. It is difficult to even describe Gerri’s feelings other than she continued to blame herself and was ridden with shame and embarrassment.
Nevertheless, Gerri was gaining emotional momentum because of me and Protective Services who had now become her advocates. In essence we were validating her concerns, letting her know that she did not have to suffer in silence anymore.
But even as Gerri was becoming more confident, her son and his wife started to neglect her. They informed her that unless she signed over the deed she was not permitted to be in any part of the house other than her bedroom. They stopped feeding her and she was no longer allowed to sit down for family dinner. She was, however, permitted to have one shelf of the refrigerator to store her food. A refrigerator that she had bought for the family. Since Gerri did not drive it was apparent that she did not have the means to get her own food. Meanwhile, the son had bought another refrigerator which was equipped with a padlock that he stored in his bedroom.
Eventually, Gerri did sign over the deed of the house to them but not until after her attorney had lengthy discussions with their attorney. Fortunately, because of Gerri’s own abilities to stand firm and because of her advocates she did receive the fair market value of the house. But there was one glitch. Gerri has to leave the home within six weeks. Meanwhile, her son has not offered to help her find another place to live.
She has not found another home yet and continues to reside in a home where the family dog is treated better than she. The dog is permitted to roam the house and is fed frequently. Unfortunately, Gerri is reluctant to have Protective Services intervene on her behalf for fear of reprisals.
However Gerri’s other three children have now gotten involved. She had shielded them from what their brother was doing. Gerri is planning to move out of the area to be near her other son. They have joined together searching for an assisted living facility.
Gerri’s experience has been a bitter sweet journey. She was emotionally abused, taken advantage of financially, neglected, and abandoned.
Many abused cases go unreported and there are many elders who are frightened in their own home, feeling the insecurity, shame and embarrassment that Gerri felt. The National Center on Elder Abuse has acknowledged that for every case that is reported to the authorities, as many as five cases go unreported. Reporting elder abuse can be done anonymously and can even be reported by calling 911 if one is unfamiliar where to call.
The link below provides more information on how to report elder abuse in your state:
http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/ncearoot/Main_Site/index.aspx
If you suspect elder abuse, take action and please get involved!
Note: The name Gerri is a fictional name so that the identity of the senior is protected.
