In 1988, I was restoring an old four story Victorian house in St. Paul, MN. Eager to insure authenticity and period detail, I searched for a pedestal sink, only to find that just ONE existed! The range of options for pedestal sinks was non existent.
Over the last two decades, choice has expanded into any category you can name from toothpaste to envelopes to sticky notes and yes, to pedestal sinks! We are spoiled by many choices in our daily lives to the extent that the choices now can become frustrating to sort out.
However, a few areas still exist where options are relatively unheard of and rare. Eldercare is one of those areas, and only in the last few years have we witnessed some expansion of elder options and the needs of older adults. Today, only about 5% of care for older adults provides options to our elders. When I say "options", I am referring to both the lack of options when choosing a home and the lifestyle of that elder in a home. When a family looks for care for a loved one, the options are few.
Finding a home that provides a stimulating and interesting atmosphere is challenging. Most geographic areas of the US are likely to offer only regimented routines (meals at specific times, etc.)
I recently attended The Eden Alternative International Conference in Denver where culture change and elder care options was the focal point for discussion. How do we provide a human habitat and a range of opportunities for elders that engage a caring community of people from all age groups? How do we eradicate boredom, loneliness, and helplessness from elders’ lives? These were the central questions posed by the conference.
The Aging in America Conference held in April engaged attendees with the concept of "rewirement" rather than retirement. Considerable attention was paid to the need for ALL PERSONS to live productive and useful lives well into older age. Clearly, we need to develop NEW SKILL SETS to met the needs of an aging population and to do what is right for our fellow human beings.
As our thinking about elders is freed from the constraining attitudes of the past (e.g. how a nursing home should operate) and democracy is applied to elderhood, this new set of skills will assume prominence as the notion of "taking care" is transformed. Options will emerge for care partners and a sense of empowerment will begin for caregivers and their elder partners. Everyone will be free to view elderhood as a time for personal reflection and development.
A key to the "rewirement" of our attitudes toward aging is a COLLABORATIVE MIND SET. We need to think about making decisions ‘with’ our elders and not ‘to’ them. Engaging our elders to make decisions about as many aspects of their lives as possible is the desired outcome.
What is this collaborative mind set and how can each of us begin to develop it? To be collaborative requires that we believe that the other person (an elder, a care partner) has something to teach us. It also requires that we listen carefully for emotions/words which indicate preferences, and that we have a set of open ended questions to ask our elders that engage and encourage them to discuss their needs. Developing this collaborative toolbox is the first step toward a natural, human exchange of information, enhancing the quality of life for everyone.
What are the benefits of collaboration? The most obvious is that it enlivens everyone and is fun. Care becomes a discussion rather than a one-sided set of statements about medication, meals, etc. We also learn more about each other when we are collaborative. For the caregiver, life is easier because the burden of making all decisions alone is lifted. OPTIONS, the issue I discussed as key for elder quality of life, are increased when everyone is working together. What other benefits can you identify? As you work and think collaboratively, you will find more benefits.
I will have the pleasure of discussing a collaborative tool box with Susan Baida, co-founder of eCareDiary on Monday, July 12 at 2:00pm (Eastern Time). Specific ways for developing your collaborative tool box will be explored. You can access this discussion by
clicking here. We hope you will join us!
About Margery
Margery Pabst is a speaker, facilitator and the co-author of "Enrich Your Caregiving Journey" (Expert Publishing, 2009), recipient of the Caregiver Friendly Award for 2010. "Enrich Your Caregiving Journey" explores the collaborative options you have as a caregiver. Find out more about Margery and her book at www.pivotalcrossings.com.
