Caregiving is a long and arduous journey that can be uplifting as well as exhausting, fulfilling and frustrating. For twenty years and in many different circumstances I have been both rewarded and drained by caring for my husband who lived with constant pain for years, mother who had dementia, and my dad, two aunts and parents-in-law who struggled through cancer, blindness, stroke, or COPD.
What my experiences taught me is that caregiving is not a sprint. It’s more like a marathon that can’t be run without great determination, strength and stamina. Successful athletes have coaches and fans who give them encouragement and good advice that helps them succeed. My husband, sister and friends helped me keep going, but I also had to encourage myself and learn to manage my energy.
How long have you been caring for others? If you are trying to go the distance, connect with family, friends or professionals who are supportive and capable of lending a hand. Their backing is crucial, but remember what you can do for yourself. Supplement others’ support by acting on your own behalf. To keep on going, marathon runners must wisely manage their energy and affirm themselves with words of encouragement. You can be your own coach and cheerleader by keeping a positive outlook and conserving your energy. Here are some wise choices that can help you do that.
Six ways to conserve your energy
1. Define important. Say “No” to wasting time. Clarify what is really important to you: now and for the future. Don’t confuse your own priorities with those of others. Remember the long-term value of nurturing relationships, preventing crises, organizing your life, or relaxing. Save your energy for what is important, not just for what is feels urgent.
2. Eliminate the unimportant. Say “No” to doing it all. Face the facts, you can't do everything. Trim away non-essentials, others’ priorities, busy work, or trivia that that do not reflect your own values. Cut out what gets in the way of accomplishing your goals.
3. Sequence activities. Say “No” to extreme multitasking. For activities that you can not or do not want to totally eliminate, think about how to sequence them. Spread tasks out over time. Break large projects into small parts and work more slowly, step-by-step. Postpone what could be done at another time. Again, keep what is important and let the unimportant tasks fall by the wayside.
4. Simplify your life. Say “No” to whatever complicates your life. Ask what meaning and personal benefits you gain from doing things as you do. Let go of embellishments that are fussy, stressful or time consuming. Continue enjoyable traditions and activities, but pare away nonessential elements. Look for an easier or less complicated way. Delegate what you can.
5. Avoid toxicity. Say “No” to negativity. Start by clearing toxic thoughts from your own mind; choose optimism over pessimism. Stay away from unpleasant people who drain you. Avoid those who undermine the things you do to help your loved one. Steer clear of situations that erode your confidence or threaten your safety. Protect yourself: plan ahead by deciding what you will say and do; and ask others for help if the situation gets nasty.
6. Let go of what you do not control. Say “No” to being God. You are not in charge of the world. However hard you try, well you plan, or carefully you communicate, you actually control very little. Focus your energy where your actions make a difference. Try your best, and then let go of the rest.
Jane Meier Hamilton MSN, RN, a nurse for 35 years and family caregiver for 20 years, founded Partners on the Path www.partnersonthepath.org to help professional and family caregivers preserve their health, well-being and capacity to care. Read her book, Journey of a Lifetime: The Caregiver’s Guide to Self-Care (Infinity 2010) to learn sensible, effective ways to cope with your caregiver stress.
