There were some things that came as a total surprise to me as a care provider. It probably goes without saying that they shouldn’t have, but the reality of being a caregiver is so far different than what we “think” or envision. After he got sick, the reality of helping my Father-in-Law simply get from one place to another wasn’t something anyone ever explained to me.

To support him gently, so that in public, it simply looked as though we were arm in arm – to quietly stop every twenty feet or so just so he could catch his breath – to take anything that needed to be carried into MY arms, so there was never an embarrassing moment for him … those were the unspoken things between us. THOSE moments probably did more to keep Ken’s dignity and to build intimacy between us than the time I knew him before he got worse.

Those moments said so much more than a peck on his cheek or a new shirt for his birthday. They were the gift of being present for someone right where they are in life. For me, it wasn’t really a gift to HIM though – for me, this was always his gift to me. To allow me into his heart – into the embarrassing, frightening day-to-day experiences of entering advanced aging and becoming ill.

So today, I write this article for all of the care providers out there. For the moments when we haven’t had a second to ourselves all day long. For the days when our top priority is getting the taxi or ambulette to help us bring our loved one to the doctor. When chores that we think will take an hour eat up an entire afternoon. For THOSE days, I write this to encourage all of us to see the privilege it is to love someone and care for them and honor them in a thousand silent, secret ways. In ways that they cannot thank you for. When a humble look of recognition is all there CAN be between you. 

And for what it’s worth – I want to say that we’re a BIG village – and a growing one. The aging process is complicated and full of questions and difficulties. At eCareDiary, we are here to support you all in every way we can embrace and invent.  Our Care Diary is cost free and exists as a secure, comprehensive tool to help you organize your loved one’s medical appointments and activities AND to share those with everyone you need to among your family and friends. 

I celebrate you all today, and if our Dad can see my blog from heaven, hi Ken. I miss you.

Susan Baida, Co-Founder of eCareDiary
http://www.eCareDiary.com

PS:  If you are involved in a care facility, please feel free to reach out to us to get your organization and your patients set up – eCareDiary is a powerful tool, and we’re here to support you, your patients and their loved ones.