Margery Pabst is the co-author of Enrich Your Caregiving Journey (Expert Publishing, 2009). She is the author of three other books on life’s transitions as well as being a nationally recognized speaker and facilitator. The book is available on her web site at www.pivotalcrossings.com.
The new year always heralds a plethora of ads, articles, and books about your well-being. Usually the tips pertain to resolutions about your financial and physical life: ‘How to Lose Ten Pounds’ or ‘How to Evaluate Your Portfolio’. Much is made of keeping finances in check--the goal being a good to excellent balance in your accounts. The health check up might include a diet or wellness plan. “What is your body mass index?” asks a headline. “Do you know where your money is?” asks a television commentator.
In the new year’s hubbub about improving life, little or no attention is paid to the debits and credits of our emotional lives and bank accounts, especially when we are caregivers. Like our financial and physical health, heeding our balance in emotional accounts is critical to overall health and well being.
To apply financial language to our emotional life, consider the withdrawals you make every day without any conscious choice of putting in necessary credits. Are you amassing too many debits, thus ending up with an overdrawn emotional account? Debits certainly are a necessary aspect of life and of caregiving; we must expend and give time to others, but to make up for those debits, we must also credit our accounts with emotionally nurturing activities and quiet moments we give to ourselves. Spending that time for ourselves is a vital new year’s present we must promise and reserve each day. As I write in my book, Enrich Your Caregiving Journey, “We’re reminded of that admonition every time we fly in a plane.....to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first and then to assist others”.
So what are the initial signs of an overdrawn emotional account? Rate yourself 1-5 on the following behaviors (1= Never, 2= Rarely, 3= Sometimes, 4= Often, and 5= Always):
I am:
____impatient
____irritable
____unfocused
____overwhelmed
____sick
Total= _________
Add up your total and if your score is 15 or higher, you are overdrawn emotionally.
To begin to restore the balance in your account, here’s the first TIP FOR YOUR NEW YEAR’S BANK ACCOUNT.
Spend time each day in a quiet spot where you can be alone with your thoughts and feelings. Give yourself time to repair your emotions, spending at least 10 minutes (5 minutes twice a day will work too). Here’s a quick exercise you can complete during this time that will help center your emotions:
-Breathe in and out, taking deep breaths.
-Focus on how you feel, taking time to honor something positive that has happened.
-Focus on one key strength you have brought to your life/your patient’s life that day.
-Thank yourself for the gift of life.
-Breathe in and out, taking deep breaths.
Over the next few months of 2010, a set of articles for attending to your “emotional bank account” will provide 1) tips for keeping your account in balance, 2) strategies for affirming when you are in balance, 3) strategies for identifying when an imbalance is about to occur, and 4) skills for nurturing others-- your patient, family, and friends. My wish for you is an emotionally healthy 2010.
